Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
