I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it hurts more in the daytime
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
