Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
