Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize