He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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