I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
