honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize