the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
