She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
