I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
