I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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