Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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