You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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