that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
