hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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