I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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