You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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