I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize