Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
