Sry I called you an 8
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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