she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
zippers are such a cool invention
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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