so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
