I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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