peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
