saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
