Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize