I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
