i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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