HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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