Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
