k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
