is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
