don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
