Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
