God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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