so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
