i think my tv is drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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