every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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