Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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