the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
