I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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