we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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