i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
