Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
