just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize