yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
