i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
