very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We left the knife in your bed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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