planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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