we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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