you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
