i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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