You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
