i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize