Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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