Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
