Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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