Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
