Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
