when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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