I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
