I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
