I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
