So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
