i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
