I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
