i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
