Duck Duck Cougar?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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